Top Ten ways for BP to kill itself in 2010

Laughzilla's Last Link! (Now Up Front!)
BP (Blood Pours) out of Tony Hayward's career: Takin' one for the team.

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Funny One Liner:
"BP recalled Tony Hayward back to the UK and replaced him with Carl-Henric "Small People" Svanberg to handle the disaster's PR initiatives. How Swede it is." ~ Yasha Harari


The Daily Dose Joke:

"Top Ten ways for BP to kill itself in 2010" 10. Crushing Scalability Is Just About Technology. Take a $1 problem and make it over 20 Billion times bigger, worse, and costlier. 9. Too litte Caring, too late. Wait at least 60 days before you can the man in charge of all the public relations blunderings, and replace him with a worse spokesman. 8. Fail to learn from history. Exxon Valdez was not a bad enough oil spill to worry about. That was just a nice fairy tale to satisfy a small part of Kevin Costner's Water World movie. 7. Rely on political scale. When you are finally confronted by the President of the United States for destroying the Gulf of Mexico, offer your head on a silver platter, along with a huge escrow account, and make bumbling statements in front of the media on the North Lawn of the White House. 6. Change Methodologies to Fail to Fix the Problems. Try every crazy idea your executives can think of and give them catchy names, ignoring the more logical solutions of your scientists, engineers and experienced men in the field. 5. Inappropriate use of information. When you are given key data about the size and scope of your environment killing disaster, be sure to cover it up and make bald face lies to the press, even when you know that all the poisons will eventually slip out. 4. Blame Game. If at first you can't get away with your blatant disregard for safety procedures and lack of contingency plans, blame the contractor, blame the subcontractor, blame the political environment, and eventually fire your CEO. 3. Poison pills are deadlier than clean water. If you can't see the oil rigs for the wells, don't worry, the tarballs will cover your dirty tracks, and distract the masses for decades to come. 2. Keep repeating the same discredited lies. Never admit you were wrong. Deny, deny, deny. When you eventually have to pay to clean up your own mess, accuse the dead low level technicians that you forced to make disastrous decisions, and let their families dangle without fair compensation while claiming that you want to fix the problem and see justice served. ... and the #1 way for BP to kill itself in 2010 is: 1. Ignore public outcries. When the "small people" tell you what they think, laugh it off in your luxury hotel suite, paid for by furious shareholders, and deny them their dividends, while eating seafood and other light, sweet crudites imported from Asia and counting how many more corporate shares you'll be able to buy back once the stock value bottoms out. Reference: Yasha Harari forTheDailyDose.com.

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